


Enduring Darkness; Finding Stars

by PerfidiousFate



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Bickering, Biotics, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Mission Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 12:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4626069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfidiousFate/pseuds/PerfidiousFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan's entire life is awkward. He had long learned to accept that fact.</p><p>Still, nothing compared to that awkward moment where he's assigned to a mission with the woman who nearly put a mind control chip in his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enduring Darkness; Finding Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [butterpanic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterpanic/gifts).



If someone had told Kaidan that there could be anyone who could pull off the triple duty of being an Alliance Commander, being a Spectre, and saving the universe all at the same time and be competent at all of them, he’d have laughed in their face.

Yet there Shepard was, standing in front of him with only the faintest circles under her eyes alluding to her exhaustion. She was briefing him on a mission she’d just gotten wind of– Alliance business, this time. Not Reaper-related, exactly, but dangerous enough that Hackett had asked her to take care of it.

“There’s a problem,” she told him, without pre-amble. They were in the starboard observation deck, where Kaidan liked to spend his spare time, in front of the windows where the star systems of the galaxy were twinkling in the darkness. “According to Hackett’s intel, there’s a group of human biotics holed up somewhere on Argos Rho. They’ve been causing trouble for the fleets – stealing, sabotaging, and sometimes worse. We suspect that they have Cerberus ties, but there’s no proof. Yet.”

Kaidan nodded, forehead creasing. “Understood,” he said. “Any intel on motives?”

 Shepard let out the slightest sigh, and he’d known her long enough that that was enough of an answer for him. “They’re fanatically pro-biotic,” she told him anyway. “And apparently thought the Reaper invasion was the best time to act. We think they might be indoctrinated,” she added. “That, or willing to do anything to get what they want. Including working with the Reapers.”

Frowning, Kaidan crossed his arms. “That’s…not good. A lot of biotics are ex-Alliance; retired, or discharged. They could have valuable information.”

Shepard nodded at him, face grim. She’d clearly already considered the situation, and didn’t like the results. “To find out where they’re situated, we’re going to need to send someone in undercover,” she said, voice resolute. “That means biotics. Kaidan, do you think you can do it?”

Kaidan hated missions where he had to fight crazed biotics. It struck a little too close to home. Fighting down a wave of discomfort, he straightened up and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Thank you.” She took a long, considering look at him, and Kaidan tilted his chin upwards inquiringly.

“Something wrong, Shepard?” he said.

She sighed, looking out the window at the trillion stars twinkling out in the darkness. Kaidan loved that view; he spent most of his down-time on it. A shame that Shepard couldn’t afford to do the same.

 “I’m too recognizable to go with you,” she said. “But I can’t send you in alone. It’s not safe. And the biotics are on edge – they’ll be looking out for new members with seemingly no attachments. You’ll be found out immediately.”

Kaidan nodded. “I don’t mind taking the risk, Commander. But…yes, that seems a reasonable precaution to take. Did you have anyone in mind to come with?” Internally, he tossed up a quick dossier of the human biotics he knew who would be willing to help. His students were first on the list, but the ones he’d managed to track down were busy protecting Earth. He knew some Alliance lieutenants scattered around the galaxy he could call in, although bringing in strangers always made Shepard on edge.

There was also Jack, but he hoped Shepard wouldn’t suggest her. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her – they got along well, to everyone else’s surprise – but she never really struck him as someone who’d be good at staying below the radar. The tattoos, haircut, and profanity stood out. Besides, she was busy with her own students.

At his words, though, Shepard made a face, and Kaidan’s attention immediately snapped back to her.

“The best person I can think of, Major,” she said, and was he just imagining the trace of reluctance coloring her words? “Is Miranda Lawson.”

His train of thought died a sudden painful death. “Miranda?”

“I messaged her earlier; she’ll be at the Citadel tomorrow to meet you. Sorry, Kaidan.” She sounded somewhat contrite.

Kaidan blinked. “…Is it too late to ask Jack?”

* * *

Kaidan and Miranda Lawson had met only a couple months previously, and took an instant dislike to each other. Miranda Lawson was the kind of person you would find in a movie, not in real life. She was smart, sexy, professional and a talented fighter. A one in a million woman. Or, considering the size of the universe, perhaps one in a trillion would be more apt.

Compared to her, Kaidan – who prided himself on being a decent soldier, if not _Shepard_ level good – felt completely average.

By itself, that wasn’t so bad. Kaidan was used to being around soldiers who were much better than him. Shepard, of course, but also Anderson, Ash…The list went on. He didn’t mind. Being a soldier wasn’t about ego boosts; it was about doing the right thing, and being a decent person. Integrity.

The problem was more the fact that while Miranda was unarguably very, very talented…she wasn’t a soldier.

She was very explicitly not a soldier. She was ruthless, and cold, and spent years working with Cerberus of ‘kidnapping and torturing innocents’ fame. Shepard liked her, which Kaidan guessed meant that Miranda had some redeeming qualities to her – even if they weren’t immediately apparent – but Kaidan couldn’t quell the fact that he didn’t like or trust her.

At least the feeling was mutual – something that was made abundantly clear the first time they’d met.

It was at Shepard’s apartment, in the Citadel. The night of the party. Nearly everyone they knew were gathered there. Well, everyone they knew who was still alive.

Kaidan was never one for parties, but it seemed a shame to miss that one out. So, swallowing down his trepidation, he showed up. And he did enjoy himself a hell of a lot - it was nice seeing his friends loosen up and have fun in the midst of the war. Against all odds, he ended up meeting some new friends too – Samara was strange, but an engrossing conversationalist, and Jack ended up being more fun than she was terrifying, although it was close.

And then there was Miranda.

He’d known her immediately; she was dark-haired and gorgeous, and walked with a professionalism that was hard to disguise even in the party dress she wore. Her eyes were icy cold, and he’d known without needing Garrus’ introduction that this was Miranda Lawson. Cerberus officer.

 Their first conversation did not end up going well. He tried to be civil, but his intense dislike of her and everything she stood for colored his tone more than he wanted. Plus, her air of superiority, and the cool collected mask she wore, rankled at him in a way he couldn’t explain even to himself.

Garrus had ended up having to break them up. “Whoa, hey,” he had said, raising his arms in a gesture of peace. “Break it up, boys and girls. Or take it to the bedroom; either way works for me.” His mouth mandibles clicked in what was probably a shit-eating grin.

Kaidan and Miranda threw him an equally scandalized look, and he laughed at them both before maneuvering Kaidan away to catch up with Tali and Wrex instead. And that had been that.

 They had met a few more times since then, but nearly always during combat missions where they didn’t spare each other a second thought. The mutual dislike persisted, however, no matter how much Shepard rolled her eyes at them.

So this resulted in an intense feeling of dread that loomed over him in the hours before the mission. It followed him around as he sent in some last minute reports, as he borrowed some suitable civilian clothing from Normandy crew members. As he boarded the shuttle that would take him to the Citadel, Joker calling out a friendly goodbye. It made his teeth itch.

The feeling didn’t abate when he finally disembarked and saw her waiting for him in the docking bay. She looked good, as she always did – hair swept upwards into a perfect bun, her outfit immaculate. She even inclined her head at a perfect angle when he stepped down in front of her.

“Major.” Her tone, despite the respectful cadence, was cool.

“Ms Lawson.” He nodded back at her, more out of politeness than anything. “So, we’re going to be working together.”

“Yes. An excellent opportunity.” Somehow, even though there was no trace of sarcasm in Miranda’s words, Kaidan could tell she was making fun of him. It was in the way her lips curved, or her mocking eyes. He could feel himself start to bristle, defensive, before forcing himself to calm. No use in losing his temper within the first two minutes of this partnership.

He sighed instead, and started to walk away. “Have you been briefed?” He was heading towards an apartment that had been requisitioned for Alliance covert operations – somewhere to change, and a few hours to get lost in the heaving mass of people before finding the ship that would take them to Argos Rho.

“Of course.” Miranda followed him, matching pace for pace. She didn’t ask where they were going. “I’m not one to take on mystery missions.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “Bringing a woman back from the dead wasn’t a mystery, I see.”

Miranda smirked. This sort of threw Kaidan for a loop, because he wasn’t aware that smirking was a thing people did. And yet the facial expression Miranda was wearing was definitely a smirk, if it was anything at all.

“I wouldn’t call it a mystery, no,” she said. “I’ll admit it was unlikely, but with the resources we were given made it possible, and the science behind it was found. If it had been impossible, I would not have been assigned to take charge of it, and I definitely would not have taken the job.”

“Huh.” Kaidan didn’t keep the doubt from his voice from leaking out; it downright oozed from him. “Must be nice, being so sure of yourself all the time.”

Miranda hummed, but other than the slight tightening of the skin around her lips, she didn’t respond.

They walked on.

It never cased to amaze Kaidan how…well, _big_ the Citadel was. Ash had made fun of him the first time he’d told her, but it was true. It was vast, sprawling, millions of people all living together in a space that didn’t seem physically possible. Lights twinkled across the vast expanse of the Citadel like a piece of the starry sky was cut up and brought to the ground, just for them.

They made it to the apartment complex Kaidan had been given directions to without too much difficulty, which was, frankly, amazing. The apartment was empty, except for some frozen food in the fridge which they quickly ate up. Using biotic powers burned enough calories that Kaidan, at least, had never felt like declining free food. Miranda seemed to be the same, judging by the way she dug into the noodles.

“I need the energy,” she told him when she caught him looking at her, and Kaidan couldn’t help but frown slightly to himself – he’d given that same excuse plenty of times. The thought that he shared this with Miranda did not sit well.

There was also two packed bags sitting there – light, but filled with enough clothes and knick-knacks that they could conceivably belong to two biotics on the run. Kaidan rummaged through them, but didn’t find anything suspect, except two fake identification tags under the names of Cassandra and Krem Vallen.

“According to our backstory, we’re siblings.” Kaidan kept his voice low as they strolled through the docking bay, looking for the freighter that would get them to Argos Rho. Shepard thought it would be best to make sure they weren’t associated with the Normandy too visibly. Traynor hired them a ship that could get them to where they were going without looking suspicious.

“Lucky me,” Miranda said dryly, and Kaidan squashed down the spark of irritation. Control, Kaidan, he thought to himself.

“We were born on Earth, in northern Ontario, before we went to brain camp together. Uh. Sorry, I meant Biotic Acclimation and Training. BAaT. We went to BAaT together, and ever since it closed down, we’ve spent our time trying to get odd jobs all over the galaxy. That…didn’t really work out for us.”

“Hence our pro-biotic political agenda.” Miranda said the word biotic strangely. Most biotics Kaidan had met said the word like it was either poison or the most precious gift you could be given. Miranda said it like she wasn’t quite sure of it in the shape of her mouth.

“Exactly,” Kaidan said.

They walked in silence for a little while, before Miranda said, “Of course, I’ve been given the same mission briefing you have. But thank you for stating the obvious; I’m glad to see the Alliance is investing in its best and brightest.”

Later, he wouldn’t be able to describe why this bothered him as much as it did. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t heard anti-Alliance talk before, or people being rude to him. The entire colony of Horizon hated his guts on sight because of who he worked for. He could usually roll it off.

But this…this was Miranda Lawson. Cerberus officer.

"Oh yeah?" Kaidan knew he was getting angry, tried to stop himself, keep control of his emotions, but he couldn't. Especially with Miranda looking so pristine, so controlled next to his own volatile self. Kaidan felt like a powder keg, about to go off at any moment. He didn't like that feeling.

But he couldn't stop himself. He stepped closer, one step, two. Miranda didn't back off, instead staring at him.

"At least the Alliance never tried to put a control chip in someone's brain."

As soon as he said those words, he regretted them. True as they were, Shepard didn't seem to hold a grudge for that. And if she didn't, who was he to do it? And Miranda was reeling back, as if she'd been slapped, hurt blooming in her eyes.

"If that's how it is," she said, stiffly, before wheeling around. Kaidan watched her stalk all the way to the shuttle, boots clicking furiously against the floor, before disappearing into it. It took a minute before he followed her in.

They went through the boarding without looking at each other. Kaidan scanned their identification before passing it to Miranda; she grabbed it stiffly and quickly. They boarded the ship that would take them to Argos Rho, nodding politely at the captain before heading to the passenger room.

They rode in tense silence, Kaidan staring down at his hands and Miranda looking out the window, steadfast in her refusal to look at him. The air was thick with tension.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” Kaidan finally broke. “That was uncalled for, and…I was being an asshole. I’ll take responsibility for that.”

He looked up at her, contrite. She swung around furiously to look at him.

“I don’t need your apologies, Spectre Alenko,” she said, voice like frostbite. Kaidan winced, and glanced around. Thankfully, they were the only passengers in this particular section of the ship. Only the stars could have heard her words.

Assured of the mission’s safety, he raised his hands peacefully. “Well, you have it anyway,” he said, and said “I’m sorry,” yet again.

She gave him a stony gaze, but he kept looking at her. Eventually, she deflated slightly.

“Fine,” she said. “Let’s just…forget about it.”

Kaidan nodded. “Agreed.” He smiled faintly, relief lifting his heart.

Bit by bit, the tension melted away. They sat in silence, for a little while, although at least it wasn’t tense silence anymore.

Miranda did break the silence, after several long minutes. “I do regret it, you know.” Her voice was soft. She kept looking out the window, at the stars drifting by.

He was surprised by the break in silence. But not completely displeased. He thought about what she said. “I…actually get that,” he admitted.

Her head snapped over to look at him, and her brows furrowed. “What do you get?” 

"You joining Cerberus. Shepard told me about it; how they helped you out with your family. The whole…having your path constrained by who you are thing. My parents didn’t genetically modify me, but there’s not a lot of options available to you if you’re a biotic.”

She didn’t seem appeased by his words. “It’s really not the same.”

“I know it isn’t,” he said. “But…I get it. People do crazy things when they’re backed into a corner. You did the best you could with the hand you were dealt.”

“The best I could?” Miranda looked doubtful. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.”

“And yet, you’re helping Shepard against the Reapers and your sister is safe because of you. That’s more than a lot of people can say.” 

Miranda seemed at a loss for words for the first time that he knew her. She opened her mouth, closed it, then said, quietly, "I...thanks."

They sat in silence for the rest of the ride, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one.

The planet they were going to was called Varmalus, located in the Hydra cluster. He’d been dubious when he heard that it was host to the biotic community – Varmalus was known for being scorching hot. But according to intel, there was an extensive network of subterranean caves where it was relatively cool, which was where the community was located.

Apparently, their ship captain was known for ferrying passengers to this specific commune, so he knew exactly where to go. When they got into orbit, they boarded the shuttle and dropped down into the atmosphere.

The first few dozen seconds were scorching hot. Kaidan felt as if his skin might melt away from him; surely this couldn’t be it? Eventually, however, the shuttle descended into a series of caves where it was noticeably cooler. Eventually, they even reached livable atmosphere.

There was a woman waiting for them when they finally touched down. She looked to be about in her thirties, with dark hair piled up in a messy ponytail, and worn-down clothes. A civilian, or someone who hadn’t been in the military for a long, long time. And about the right age range to maybe have an L2 transplant, if she was unlucky.

Kaidan noted this fact down, mentally. He’d have to ask her about it later.

She greeted them brightly, if suspiciously. When they showed her their fake IDs – Cassandra and Krem Vallen, brother and sister – she spent several long moments scanning them, and then searching them out, before apparently being satisfied. This was good - Traynor had somehow managed to point them out as potential recruits to the right people, so apparently the group had been expecting them. Kaidan was relieved; he'd half-worried that their progress would stop at this point.

“I’m Clementine,” the woman, Clementine, had said. “The leader of the Fighters for Biotic Rights. The name is a work in progress, I know.” She smiled apologetically. At first glance, she seemed like an incredibly capable, likeable woman. But Kaidan had seen too much of the galaxy to take her at face value.

Clementine drove them back to the base, an inconspicuous metal building hidden somewhere underneath a sheer, underground cliff. The drive was jolting; Kaidan was unpleasantly reminded of Shepard with the Mako. That first time she drove him, he and Ash spent the entire drive green and shooting each other increasingly horrified looks.

With a pang of nostalgia, he glanced over at Miranda, to see how she was faring with a similarly terrible drive. Miranda didn't send him sympathetic looks, and she wasn't clutching her gun white-knuckled as Ash had been. Instead, she was leaning forward and chatting to Clementine, a soft expression on her face.

"It's just been so hard, finding work," she was saying, voice infused with just the right amount of sorrow and indignation. "Krem and I have been all around the galaxy, trying to get odd jobs. We've spent the last few months on Omega." She winced theatrically. "That...didn't go so well."

"Omega!" Clementine exclaimed. "It's a wonder you survived. From what I hear, you’re just as likely to get mugged and left for dead as you are to find work.” She turned back and gave a soft smile to Miranda; the car jolted over a rock, and Kaidan suppressed a wince. His head was beginning to ache, which was a definite damper on his mood.

Miranda chuckled softly. “We’re lucky, I suppose.”

“As lucky as we biotics can be.” Clementine’s voice grew dark. “With the Alliance breathing down our necks.” Kaidan glanced up – from his position in the back, he could see her knuckles turning white from where she was clutching the wheel.

He grunted in protest, realizing his mistake only a second too late. He could see Clementine tense, and start to look around. Miranda shot him a poisonous look, and he cursed silently.

“Sorry,” he said, cutting off whatever Clementine was about to say. “I’m getting a migraine.” He remembered an earlier thought, and pointed at his head. “They can get pretty nasty. L2 implant.”

Clementine gasped, swinging back around to stare at him. All traces of suspicion fled from her voice. “You’re an L2 as well?” The car jolted, and Kaidan winced. “Oh, I’m sorry!” She turned back around, and steadied the vehicle. “I was just surprised. There aren’t very many of us left anymore.”

“Yeah.” Kaidan grimaced. While the slowly diminishing number of L2s was good – L3 implants were much, much safer – it was impossible to escape the subtext behind it. There were less and less L2s because they were all dying out.

Awkwardly aware of his own mortality, as he always was, he leaned back and let Miranda take the reins on the interrogation once again. Not that his personal mortality mattered much, when it came to the Reaper Invasion. The entire galaxy was at stake if they lost.

When they finally arrived, it was at a cliff face looking bloody in the low burn of the red sun. Clementine radioed in, and they waited for a full three minutes before one of the rocks that Kaidan hadn’t remarked at all moved aside, revealing a well-lit entrance. They drove in, with the rock moving back in place behind them, groaning ominously.

“Here we are!” Clementine said cheerfully. “Home sweet home.”

They jumped out of the vehicle, Kaidan wincing at the sudden bright light – although his headache reduced considerably, now that they were out of the car – and waited for a silent security guard to check their IDs, giving them suspicious looks all the while, before they were beckoned in.

“Come on,” Clementine said. “I’ll go and show you your quarters before we give you the whole spiel.” She smiled at them, and they had no choice but to follow.

It was a nice place, really. Not the run-down warehouses he’d grown used to, even if it wasn’t as nice as the The compound was full of people. Way more than Kaidan was expecting; way more than Shepard had been expecting, most likely. There were dozens of biotics. Most were around Kaidan's age, but there were some noticeably older, who were likely among the very first human biotics.

The creepy thing was, none of them said much. They just walked around with blank looks on their faces, neither laughing nor smiling. Just...existing. It was unnerving.

Judging from the way Miranda nudged his arm, she thought so too.

He nudged back, and hoped that meant that the bad blood between them had dissipated somewhat.

Now that they were in, he was tense again. They followed along behind Clementine through a winding series of corridors, filled with the creepy inhabitants who followed them with their eyes. The amount of biotics set his teeth on edge. He could almost palpably feel the energy surrounding them.

As soon as they were deposited in their quarters – a common sleeping area with several bunk beds, one of them occupied by a napping young man – they tossed their  bags on their assigned beds, and began their conference.

“They’re being indoctrinated,” Kaidan whispered, eyeing the sleeping man to make sure he didn’t sir. “Everyone’s being too…quiet. It’s unnatural.”

Miranda nodded, frowning. “They’re in the early stages currently, but I agree. Everything here is too neat, too tidy for a biotic rebellion. And Clementine was being deliberately vague about the details of what we’re actually supposed to do here. Real revolutionary leaders tend to never shut up about their plans.”

Kaidan hadn’t noticed that, but he had been distracted by the headache and his own thoughts. His heart gave a guilty lurch; what kind of Spectre was he, to not pay attention during mission-critical information? Despite himself, he felt reluctantly grateful to Miranda was spotting that.

“Nice catch,” he said.

“Thanks,” Miranda said, and tilted her head. “It’s my job.”

It was at this moment Kaidan noticed that in their whispering, they had stepped close together. He could smell the perfume of her hair. Immediately, he stepped back, flushing despite himself.

“Right,” he said, and cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

Miranda looked at him, then smirked. “Something wrong, Krem?” she said. Her voice went low and deliberate.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just the, uh, the headache.” His head pulsed slightly, as if punishing him for his mistruth. He had a headache, but the migraine he’d been worried of had thankfully never come to pass.

Miranda didn’t look like she believed him, judging by the curve of her smile – and since when had her smiles been anything other than smirks in his mind? – but she let it go.

“What we need to do now,” she said. “Is lay low and find definitive proof of Cerberus connections.”

“Agreed.” Kaidan was so relieved that the awkward moment that had just passed was not being brought up, that he would probably have agreed to just about anything. If Miranda had suggested starting a colony of pink moon elements and teaching them to sing opera, he would probably not have objected. But this plan had the benefit of being sound as well as open enough to allow them wiggle room for when things inevitably went topsy-turvy.

Despite himself, Kaidan was impressed. He had the vague thought that maybe he should be taking the lead – being an Alliance officer and an official member of Normandy’s crew, two things Miranda was not – but so far, Miranda seemed to have things well in hand. And he was happy enough to follow her lead.

"I'll continue interrogating them," Miranda told him. "I’ve read your dossier – you can hack into their system, right? See if you can find anything out. I’ll cover for you.”

…He was happy enough to follow her lead, until she said that, at least. Kaidan frowned, crossing his arms. "We're supposed to stick together," he said. "What if they find you out? I know you're good, Miranda, but you're not fifty rogue biotics good."

She smirked at him. “You know I’m good?”

“Not the point,” he said, although he felt his cheeks start to flush again.

Miranda raised an eyebrow at him. "Then please, enlighten me. What  _is_ the point?"

"I..." He was losing his train of thought. Damn his awkwardness, he thought. 

 

She sighed, and gave him a look. “I think we just had a moment.”

“Oh?” Kaidan said automatically. The realization hit him a moment later. “Oh. Oh, we did, didn’t we.”

A few moments passed, silent but for the constant thrumming of the power. Somewhere in the distance, a door hissed open; the man who was asleep snored and rolled over.

“Well, not that this isn’t enjoyable,” Miranda said. “But I’m going to go talk to Clementime.”

“Right.” Kaidan nodded hastily. “And I’ll go…hack. The computers.” His awkwardness was threatening to overwhelm him. He looked away, missing Miranda’s expression softening.

“Don’t worry, Major Alenko,” she told him. “Rest assured that the both of us are competent enough that this will all go smoothly.”

And then, she leaves – but not before brushing her fingers against his shoulder, feather-light, leaving him standing there in the dark, with a dry throat and galaxies sparking in his fingertips.

* * *

Somewhat predictably, the mission did not go smoothly.

It wasn’t really Kaidan’s fault, nor was it Miranda’s. Later on, they discovered that it was a combination of factors. The security guard that had scanned their IDs had just passed into the indoctrination stage where he began to be paranoid, but not enough that he was a mindless thrall. He researched into Krem and Cassandra Vallen, and it wasn’t hard to determine that these identities were fake. So in a way, his paranoias turned out right. What was the saying? It wasn’t paranoia if they really were out to get you?

Either way, he reached this conclusion just as Kaidan, crouching in a dusty computer room and frantically hacking on his omnitool, accessed some particularly important files. Files that showed a direct connection to Cerberus. A message showed up on the guard’s own omnitool, and if it hadn’t been for his recent, unpleasant revelation regarding the identity of the two new members, he would have ignored it. As it was, the dots weren’t hard to connect, and he immediately pulled the alarm.

Meanwhile, Miranda, ever pragmatic, whipped out her submachine gun as soon as she heard the alarm. She figured the likelihood of the alarm being unrelated to them was low enough that she wouldn’t take the chance.

Of course, being in the middle of a room full of biotics in various states of indoctrination and revolutionary fervor while holding a gun did not work in her favor.

“Shit,” Kaidan had said upon hearing the alarm, and had speedily downloaded the files – to present to Commander Shepard when he had the chance – before standing up and racing back to the main room, assault rifle drawn.

He found Miranda in the midst of battle, her eyes glowing blue as she slammed enemies into the ground. Without pausing, he rolled to cover next to her, and started shooting.

“Keeping busy?” he yelled out to Miranda, in between gunfire.

She scoffed. “You got the files?”

“Yeah.” He took a moment to quickly hack into someone’s shields, removing them, before shooting back. “Complete proof of their involvement with the Illusive Man. We’re clear, Miranda.”

“Good.” With that, Miranda stood up, and, hands glowing with energy took out four men at once. “I’m tired of playing nice.”

Kaidan’s mouth was suddenly dry. It occurred to him, watching Miranda skillfully navigate the battlefield, that he might be in trouble.

Soon enough, they’d managed to clear the room. Just in time, too, as it had started to get grim. At some point, husks started running at them, and while they never were difficult to fight, Kaidan hated seeing their dead, cracked faces. Not that the other part was fun, either. Kaidan hated fighting fanatical biotics; he never really _disagreed_ with their points, only with their methods. And while this particular group were clearly on the wrong side of good and evil, there always was the discomfiting thought that maybe, if his life had gone differently, he could have been one of them.

He didn’t voice his thoughts, though, as Miranda took down the last of them. Instead, he cocked his head and listened to the silence for a moment. Sometime during the battle, the alarm had turned off. After all the gunfire and shouting, the silence was deafening.

“Was that the last of them?” he asked.

Miranda shook her head. “Clementine wasn’t in here when we began.” She switched to her pistol, and began striding forward. “Let’s go find her.”

“Yeah.” Kaidan followed along behind her. “You’re a good fighter, Miranda.”

He could hear her exhale. “You’re not too bad yourself, Major.”

Somehow, Kaidan could see why Shepard liked Miranda. Just a little bit. Although he was adamantly not thinking of the feel of her fingers against his shoulder.

Clementine was holed up in a room passages away. It didn't take them long to find her. Unfortunately, with her friendliness, they had forgotten - she was not as harmless as she appeared.

When they arrived, she was waiting for them. Gun pointed straight at their head.

Kaidan bit his lip. "Clementine," he said softly. "You don't have to make this violent. Just come with us; give yourself up to Alliance custody. We won't have to kill you."

Clementine laughed. The sound was not pleasant. “Alliance! What’s the Alliance ever done for us, huh?” she snapped at him. Every single trace of the kind lady they had seen was gone. “Locked us up, shunned us, said some pretty words when we went crazy or died, and probably made us this way in the first place.” Her voice broke. “My sister – she was another L2.”

She stepped forward. Miranda tensed, going for her weapon, but Kaidan just held his arms up. A gesture of piece.

“We’re not your enemies,” he said, trying to be soothing. “We can help you. Cerberus is bad business; you don’t want to get involved with that.”

“She went _crazy_.” Clementine wasn’t even listening to him. She shook her head back and forth. A shudder ran through her body. “Like, seriously nutso. Started attacking random people. Me, our grandma – even her boyfriend. And she was in pain. So much pain. You think you get headaches, Krem. She couldn’t even move when she got hers, she just screamed and screamed before she’d pass out.”

“Kaidan,” Miranda said. “There’s no point trying to talk to her.” She had her pistol out, pointed straight at Clementine. Clementine didn’t seem to care, if she even noticed.

"You're all evil!" she screamed at them. "Cerberus is the only one trying to actually  _help_!" Her eyes were starting to glow blue.

Kaidan just had enough time to reach for his gun, tucked away into his gun belt, when he heard Miranda yell, “Kaidan, _watch out –_ ” and suddenly he was being buffeted by a wave of force.

No matter how many times he’d been hit by others’ biotics, he never got used to it. It was impossible to get used to. The air shimmered blue around him, and he could feel the field humming, lifting him up. He had just enough time to choke out a gasp before he was slammed down, with excruciating force. His head caught painfully on the floor.

The entire world went white for a few seconds. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t _anything_ – he could barely keep himself from passing out. The pain was excruciating. It completely blanked his thoughts for several moments, and when he came to again, Miranda was saying his name, over and over, increasingly frantic.

“I'm okay. She’s using red sand,” he gasped out. “No way is that amount of power natural.”

Miranda sighed in what sounded suspiciously like relief. She then narrowed her eyes at him, then looked over at Clementine consideringly. She tilted her head, examining her, before sighing out loud.

“You’re right,” she conceded with a nod. “Red sand combined with an L2 implant…a powerful combination. We need to be careful.”

Kaidan wobbled to his knees. Miranda reached out to try and hold him up, but he waved her off – no use.

“You, try to take her down,” he said, drawing out his pistol and pointing it shakily in Clementine’s general direction. He could feel his muscles growing stronger. “I’ll give you covering fire.”

"Understood."

They worked well together. Incredibly well. The combination of gunfire and biotics was powerful; soon enough, Clementine was on the defensive.

But even the best of teams had their weak points. Kaidan's came from a moment of white-hot pain that came from the combination of a migraine and overloading his biotics. He wavered; and that gave Clementine just enough time to strike.

She slammed Miranda, hard. One second Miranda was there; the next she was against the wall. She made a gasping, choking sort of noise. She lay there for a second, breath rattling in her lungs, before slumping down. A trickle of blood ran down from her mouth. 

Kaidan's mind blanked.

Power flared around him. With the last of his energy reserves, he lifted his arm.

Clementine screamed, a short, sound, before it was cut off. He could hear her body hit the ground.

Very adamantly not thinking about it, he staggered to his feet and walked over to Miranda. The world spun around.

“Hey – you okay?” he called out, but his voice was hoarse that it came out hardly louder than a whisper.

By the time he managed to make his way over across the room, the world had mostly stopped swaying and Miranda was getting up. She was still coughing too hard to speak, but at least she didn’t seem too fatally injured. Kaidan handed her a pack of medigel, and they both spent a couple of minutes healing themselves.

“You okay?” he repeated himself when they were done. His voice was clearer now.

Miranda shook her head. “I’ll live.” She turned a critical stare to him. “How about you, Major?”

“All my limbs are in place,” Kaidan said. “…But my head is killing me.” He said the second part sheepishly. It was true; the low ache he’d been feeling ever since the ride there had intensified into a roaring pain. He could barely keep it from showing on his face.

She gave him a sympathetic look, and then, completely unexpectedly, leaned forward and massaged his right temple with her fingers.

Kaidan didn’t say anything, the words stuck in his throat. Just stared down at her. A few moments later, Miranda broke away, leaving just the phantom of her touch on his skin.

“Let’s go,” she said. “We need to radio our coordinates to the Normandy and wait for pick-up.” She strode forward, but paused. Clementine’s body was lying there.

“A shame we couldn’t save her,” Miranda said. “She might have had useful information.” She gave a thoughtful hum, then continued on her way.

“…Yeah,” Kaidan said, mouth now dry for a completely different reason than before. He swallowed; guilt tasted like broken glass. “Yeah,” he repeated, quieter.

They waited in the entrance bay of the compound, after calling the Normandy. Shepard had sounded satisfied with the way they handled the mission, and promised that a ship would be there in a few hours.

While Kaidan was glad to hear of the ship, he didn’t feel as glad to hear that Shepard was satisfied. Instead, he felt guilty, and angry at himself, and ashamed at the relief that burst in his chest when he heard her. He was clutching his hands so hard that he left little red crescents of pain in them.

After several minutes of them waiting in silence, Miranda checking over her weapons and Kaidan staring down at the ground, it finally came to a head.

“Forgive me for saying so, Major, but you look stressed. What’s wrong?” Miranda said. Well, it was more like demanded. She stared at him from where she was sitting, a few feet away, a judgmental twist to her lips.

“Nothing,” Kaidan said, but before she could open her mouth to refute that, he continued on. “Nothing, it’s just, that…I lost control. I killed Clementine, and I didn’t even think about it, I just…did it.” The face of Vyrnnus flashed in his head, and Kaidan swallowed down bile.

Miranda raised an elegant eyebrow. “She was attacking us, Major. I have no doubt that she would have killed us.”

“That’s not the point,” Kaidan said, because it was true. Of course it was true. It wasn’t that he regretted killing Clementine, per se. It was more that he killed her. “The point is, how am I any different from her? I lost control, Miranda. I killed her because I lost control, and I – ” His throat closed up. So many years had passed since brain camp; he thought he’d gotten control of himself. But he hadn’t. He could feel the phantom of the L2 somewhere in his head; a ticking time bomb. Every biotic who had one either died, or lost their minds.

“This isn’t the first time I’d done this,” he said, softly.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to say next – elaborate, or maybe stay silent – but Miranda interrupted him.

“I know about brain camp.”

Out of all the things he expected her to say, this wasn’t it. He looked up at her for the first time that conversation, only to find she was closer than expected. She slid down on the floor next to him, shoulders close enough that they could brush together if Kaidan leaned closer.

“Then you know about that. About Vyrnnus.”

Miranda nodded. “I’d known before I met you. The dossiers I was given were extremely thorough.” She smiled, but it wasn’t a real one. “I have a full list of the stuffed animals you had as a child.”

Brain camp. The darkest part of his past.

"This is usually when people run and scream," he told her wryly.

But she wasn't looking disgusted at him. She wasn't even looking sympathetic, like Shepard was when he told her. Miranda was just looking like herself.

"People make mistakes when they feel like they're cornered," she told him. "Trust me. I know that feeling." She laughed bitterly. "Hundreds of thousands of credits invested to make me perfect in every way, and I still screw up just like anybody in the universe."

And then she kissed him.

There was a perfect moment, where for a second Kaidan was beyond happy. And then he pushed away.

"Wait," he said, mouth dry. "What do you - "

 

She laughed at him. But it wasn’t the mocking laugh he’d grown used to; it was…just a laugh. “You always think too much.”

Before he could open his mouth to protest, or maybe say something other than the stammering mess his words had become, she leaned forward and kissed him again.

He wasn’t expecting it. Her lips were smooth and warm against him; she tasted like cherry chapstick and the rations they’d shared earlier that morning. Only a few hours, and yet, a universe apart. Her hand drifted upwards towards his hair, and it felt cool in the burning heat that had become his spin.

They stayed like this for several moments, before the energy built up too much and too intense and his fingers glowed and he let out a pulse of energy that forced her backwards.

“Um,” he said, blinking eloquently. “Sorry. That doesn’t usually – that doesn’t usually happen.” He looked at her helplessly, feeling blood rush into his cheeks. He was still reeling from what just happened, and the slow realization that what he really, really wanted was for it to keep happening.

She looked at him back, tilting her head, and for a moment she looked like the old Miranda that he’d thought he known – the cold, smooth woman who wouldn’t have a problem implanting a chip in Shepard’s brain. But the moment broke and she threw her head back and laughed, and it was bright and so, so beautiful that Kaidan couldn’t help falling into it headfirst.

“It’s alright,” she said, and before he could remark that it was odd to see that she could forgive a stupid mistake like unbound biotics, she was surging forward to kiss him again, for the third time.

This time, they stayed there for a long, long time.

* * *

Later, when they were lying intwined - still waiting for that shuttle - Kaidan felt he had to say something.

“You have nice hair,” he blurted out, because apparently that was the only thing that he could think to say, while at the same time, Miranda said “We should do this again sometime.”

“Oh, uh,” he said, embarrassed. Miranda gave him a look, tossed the aforementioned hair back, and laughed.

"Thank you. You do too."

Kaidan waited a moment, before continuing on cautiously to the topic of discussion she'd brought up.

“I don’t really do…casual,” he said, and hoped that he sounded more suave than he felt right now. “I’m an all-in kind of guy, for better or for worse.”

Miranda shook her head, but she was smiling, a small quirk of her lips that she didn’t seem to realize she had. “Somehow, I could tell, Major,” she said.

He laughed, a little embarrassed. “That obvious, huh?”

She did him a kindness by saying, “I have a sense for these sorts of things.”

He raised an eyebrow. "You do this often, then?" 

She leans over, sleepy, and flicks him in the forehead. "You are such an arse," she tells him.

He laughs. "Wow, ouch. First you sleep with me, then you insult me?" He put a hand to his chest, over his heart. "Cold."

She rolled his eyes at him, but there was that smile again, that little chip in the facade of her perfect apathy. Kaidan could really grow to love that smile, he thought, and felt his own smile dawning on his face, awkward and slow. Hope, in the midst of a cycle of death and destruction. The blossoming of a new relationship with the world falling down around them.

There was something in that. Kaidan always was a romantic at heart. He wondered if Miranda was, too. He looked forward to finding out.

"If you're going to be such a baby about it," she said, and then she was rolling over, pressing herself against him, and her skin was fiery hot and smooth against him and a black hair was stuck to her lips and her eyes were glittering with a million stars, and universes could've been born and died in the space of that second. "Then let me warm you up."

And so she did.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't start off wanting to write a fic for this ship; I was fully determined to write for another one of your requests. But in one sentence, your letter convinced me to ship this ship with the passion of a thousand burning suns. So - thank you very much for inspiring me to write this fic. I'm sorry if it feels a little rushed; I feel like to do Miranda and Kaidan justice, I'd have to write a story with 80k words, not 8k. These silly people always over-complicate things. But for what it's worth, I had a blast writing it, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading it at least somewhat! <3
> 
> Other notes:  
> -Argos Rho was the first system I went to of my own volition in Mass Effect, so I have a soft spot for it. This is why it was used as the setting of this fic. Obviously, their fake names come from Krem and Cassandra of Dragon Age fame - another ship I hadn't considered before reading your request!


End file.
